We recently met Shelley, who endured physical and verbal abuse from her husband Harry because he had convinced her she was worthless. Her one act of rebellion was her correspondence with an old boyfriend. Her tale continues ...
After Harry found out about the letters, she went into counseling to find out why she had "betrayed" her husband.
"The counseling made me see that it wasn't my fault and that Harry was the bully in the relationship," Shelley says.
One day, after a counseling session, she went to her parents' home.
"They asked how Harry was and I said, 'Harry's not happy, but does anything ever make him happy?' My parents were shocked because I'd always defended him. They actually said, 'Wow!' I said I'd had enough and that I was going to save my money and leave him in six months. They said, 'No, leave now. Come live with us.'
"I had left him twice during our marriage, but I'd always gone back. This time I was ready. A strong force came over me and I just said 'Done.' That was it. I never looked back. I left the next morning with my entire family moving me out of the home."
Shelley says she will never forget that day. "After I left him I felt such a sense of relief. The sickness from the constant worry and anxiety was gone. I truly felt as if God was saying, 'About time!'"
Shelley and Harry had been living in Southern California. She moved to Illinois a few years later for a job transfer. Six months after she moved, she met Bruce on a blind date. A year later, they were married, living in their own home with Shelley's two daughters and a new baby.
"Bruce has been a wonderful husband to all three of the girls," she says. "The oldest see their father for who he is. They're lucky to have a fabulous stepfather who treats them like his own.
"I've learned not to allow anyone to make me feel worthless. I sometimes get mad at myself for having allowed a person like Harry to treat me so horribly, to abuse me not only physically but verbally. The physical abuse I could take because I could fight back, but the words cut deep and sometimes those words still try to creep into my head. I have to kick them out.
"But in general I'm back to being my old self. My father once told me Harry was smothering the life out of me. Toward the very end of the marriage, one of my neighbors said, 'Shelley, I've watched you over the years go from a bubbly out-going person to sad woman, hiding in your shell. You used to be so much fun and now you're sad all the time.'
"I'm actually very outgoing and vivacious. I love life. I completed my bucket list this year when I turned 50 by running 26.2 miles in the Chicago marathon. My goal for 2019 — skydiving!"
What was the straw that broke the camel's back of your relationship? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."
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