Ginny says she started school for a master's in psychology in the '90s but dropped out after she got a handle on her own family. "I didn't really want to be a psychologist," she said. "I just wanted to understand my own crazy relatives."
Of all her relatives, Ginny says, her grandmother was the easiest to diagnose because she was a "classic narcissist, which at that time was defined as 'other people only exist for her to the extent to which they fulfill her needs' and there is also a focus on outward personal appearance.'"
Her grandmother, Jacqueline, was noted for her beauty. As a teenager, she entered beauty contests and won some. "For the rest of her life, she saw everything as an ongoing beauty pageant," Ginny says.
Jacqueline was born poor but married well. She and her husband used to enter and win all the regional dance contests in the 1930s. "She lived for that," Ginny says.
Ginny was born when Jacqueline was just 40. "She would stand in front of a mirror and kiss herself all over, exclaiming, 'You're just so darling, so adorable!'" Ginny says. "When it came to other people, though, I never saw her show the slightest sign of affection except when she had an immediate need to fulfill.
"Several times when I was a child, my mother told me to give her a hug. Jacqueline would always grimace, shrink back, and protest, 'But I'm wearing my good clothes!' Still, she wasn't all bad. She worked for many years at an office job she disliked. She was a soft touch when my mother called her frequently, asking for help 'to feed her hungry children.' Jacqueline would usually come through with a delivery of groceries. I realized that for all I might dislike Jacqueline personally, she was a benefactress.
"Jacqueline's son, my uncle, married when I was about 15. On leaving the church, one of her friends, Tom, told her, 'In that hat, you outshine the bride."' Jacqueline repeated that constantly, in a triumphant voice, at least 100 times throughout the reception. Even her son's wedding was a beauty contest she had to win."
Ginny's grandfather died when Jacqueline was in her late 50s, and she remarried — a millionaire this time. It wasn't the happily ever after, though. Greg was mean. "When they retired to California, things got really bad," Ginny says. "Jacqueline was the one who called my mother asking for help this time. My mother turned a deaf ear."
The family thought Jacqueline and Greg should be in a senior living facility, but Greg was refusing to move. "At that point I was 30-something. I had a husband in the Midwest, but, I remembered all those bags of groceries on the porch when I was growing up and figured I owed her something. I went out to California at my own expense, saying I was going to stay until I could arrange for Greg to have a psychiatric evaluation. Everybody told me I was crazy to challenge a millionaire, but I contacted lawyers and stood my ground.
"After I was there about a week, there was a miracle! Greg announced he wanted to move into a senior center Jacqueline had already picked out. Jacqueline just kept looking at me in shock and amazement, saying, 'I just can't believe you, of all people, are doing this for me!' She noticed my existence for the first time.
"P.S. I visited them two years later. They both seemed happy, but the apartment was decorated strangely. Some older women display pictures of their children and grandchildren. Jacqueline, however, lined the walls of her apartment with professional photos of herself in her beauty queen days."
Do you have crazy relatives? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."
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