Dear Cheryl, I'm slightly overweight. My Body Mass Index is 26. The healthy range is up to 25. I'd like to slim down, but it's a struggle. I work 8:30-5:00 at a desk job and am involved in activities at night. My free time is scarce. I've also been clinically depressed my whole life, so day-to-day stuff can be overwhelming.

The problem is, my boyfriend finds my extra weight grotesque. I was abnormally thin for myself when we started dating, but the pounds have crept back. He sees this as a sign I'm lazy and don't care enough about him o keep myself attractive. I understand that he has a right to be physically attracted to his partner, but I also think I have a right to a partner who accepts me as I am.

I've suggested he would be happier with a girl who has the physique he prefers and is more athletic, but he doesn't think that he should have to find someone else when the problem is fixable.

He says this is a purely physical issue and doesn't change his love for me, but that he cannot continue with the relationship if the situation doesn't improve dramatically. He's unhappy with his own weight and will sometimes blame me because I'm too accepting of it, so he doesn't try hard enough. He also has some substance abuse issues which he uses to justify why it's been difficult for him to lose weight. He thinks it should be easy for me.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Sometimes I hate myself, sometimes I'm indignant. ("How dare he? I'm perfectly attractive as I am."). Sometimes I feel like I'm just being stubborn. Sometimes I feel if I "fix" this for him, I'm setting myself up for a lifetime of jumping through hoops to gain his approval. My personal ideal weight range is still "too fat" for him to be able to guarantee continued commitment and fidelity.

We've been through a lot together and I adore him, but I feel like this situation is just unfair. Are my standards for myself just too low? Am I just lazy? Is there a way that I can resolve this situation with him without feeling like I'm compromising myself? —HURT AND TIRED

Dear HURT AND TIRED, Your relationship has become destructive to both of you and it has to end. Your boyfriend has chipped away at your self-esteem and now you no longer know what's good for you. If you felt better about yourself, you wouldn't be with someone who finds you "grotesque" and loves you only on the condition that you change.

It's time to end this thoroughly destructive relationship and make yourself your priority. Are you seeing someone for your depression? You need to get it under control. Are you learning to organize your time so that little things don't build up and overwhelm you? What are you doing for yourself? Are you getting enough physical exercise? Not only will it help you control your weight, it will contribute to your overall sense of well-being. With your boyfriend out of your life, constantly undermining you, I think you'll be able to work on the real issues in your life.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."