Dear Cheryl: I'm a 42-year-old woman. I've been married to my husband, who's 58, for 16 years. We had an extremely active, passionate sex life for the first eight years of our marriage, but we haven't had one at all since then. I miss sex desperately. I've contemplated affairs and divorce many times. I love my husband so much, but I'm miserable without sex.

At first he stopped having sex because of health issues. He was in a lot of physical pain. But, as the months and years went on, the lack of sex continued, and he wouldn't talk about it.

I cried to him about how unhappy I was — how it was affecting my feelings toward him, how we needed physical intimacy to stay close and how it was impacting other areas of our relationship. I went to bed angry and woke up angry.

We went to one counseling session, but he wouldn't open up.

He's a wonderful husband in so many other ways, and I love him dearly. But I never imagined I would lose my sex life in my 30s, and I am very resentful about it.

In December 2014, he suffered a major stroke and is now disabled and unable to work outside the home. But he takes care of everything in the house. I find fulfillment in every other way I can — through an active career and socializing with friends. I will love him and be with him until he dies. On bad days, I wish that would happen sooner rather than later just so I can have sex again.

I will never cheat on him. I did that in my first marriage, and I promised myself I would never do it again. So I've accepted that I committed to be with this man through good times and bad, and the bad means no sex, burying my feelings and sometimes crying on my 30-minute drive home from work.

We all have crosses to bear. As I've aged, I've tried harder to accept that it could be a lot worse and that I'm fortunate to have what I have. I'm not sure there's any advice for me because I've decided he needs me too much for me to ever divorce him. But I sure would love to hear your opinion, and your readers'. — Trapped

Dear Trapped: You're too young to take a vow of celibacy. I'm afraid the anger you're suppressing will overwhelm you and one day you'll do or say something you deeply regret.

No one thinks that an extramarital affair is a good idea, but it may save your sanity, and ultimately your marriage. There's an enormous difference between having an affair because you're bored and having one because you're denying a vital part of yourself. It's certainly better than wishing your husband were dead. And, people who aren't in your shoes should judge you.

If you were my sister I'd tell you to find a male friend, hopefully one who has the same issue, and have a discreet sexual relationship. I know this advice is controversial. It's certainly not an ideal solution. But there is no ideal solution to your problem.

Readers, what advice do you have for Trapped?

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

Photo credit: Jeremy Segrott