Q: I recently was reviewing your website looking for any information with regard to shy children in high school. I have a 15-year-old son that seems happy at home and has friends, but not a single close one. He has been very shy and quiet since he was little. In reading your material, I found that his shyness could stem from being labeled "shy" in childhood. I believe this was the case with my son. People always commented to us, "He's so quiet." We acknowledged this around him and within his hearing.

Do you have any articles, books or offers of counseling regarding shyness in this age group? I found many articles about how to deal with shyness in younger children but nothing about in adolescence. Please advise.

A: I'm glad you asked about your teen, and I hope the two of you haven't given up on improving his social skills and comfort. It's important to realize that your referential talk and that of others about his shyness didn't cause it but only accidentally supported it.

Children are born with different temperaments, and there have been major longitudinal studies conducted by Harvard University that followed children from birth forward to document their temperamental differences. Researchers found that about half of the initially shy or fearful children apparently reversed their shyness. Undoubtedly, the change was related to environments that encouraged the children to become more outgoing and socially confident. Children don't need to be equally social, but reasonable social skills and relationships are crucial for happiness in families and careers. Adults who enjoy spending a considerable amount of time alone are often productive and feel fulfilled, so our goal isn't to encourage every child to want to be socially popular. A few good friends may be all your son would ever like to have, and a small group of friends wouldn't limit his joy in life if this is what he prefers.

You haven't mentioned whether your son feels lonely or whether he is content with a less-than-average social life. You might want to talk to him and a few of his teachers about their observations of him in his school environment before you determine whether you'd like to encourage your son to change. If your son does feel lonely and is not involved in activities because of his fearfulness, you could help him get involved in activities where he can share his interests with others. He may even be willing to visit with a counselor or psychologist about coping with social anxiety.

You've asked about reading material. My most helpful book for you as a parent is "How to Parent So Children Will Learn." (Great Potential Press, 2008) I've recently added an article to my website www.sylviarimm.com called "Guiding Anxious Children Toward Achievement and Confidence." You could read this and even encourage your son to read it. If he avoids all socializing at this time in his life, he could become more and more fearful of getting along with people.

For free newsletters about fears and fearful children, referential speaking and/or how the arts are important for your children, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.