DEAR SUSAN: Those supposed "bad boys" are filling some need in girls' lives that makes them take notice — and feel special. Maybe it's only the cheap rush of danger; maybe it's sexual. But without a doubt, something strong gets their attention. And nice guys rarely come on as strong. Males who see themselves as "nice guys" should give up trying so hard to BE nice — and DO more. An interested person is an interesting person. Be the guy who's doing things in the world, who's truly interested in his work and who makes things happen. Women are drawn to a man who's interesting. And when niceness is also part of his persona, they'll fall at his feet. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Hear! Hear! It's about time nice guys got wise to the drawing power of the bad boys! Instead of focusing on niceness, the nice guy needs to be bolder and more assertive, less fearful of offending or contradicting. As you say, blogger, the good guy needs to learn from the bad guy. He needs to take chances, do interesting things, have opinions. He should show himself to be a distinctive person, involved in the world and interested in many things. Nice doesn't mean dull and boring. If guys make their own lives interesting for themselves, they'll attract like-minded friends (of both genders). In this world of sameness, you should have the courage to stand out. Be yourself. Interesting, yes, and nice also.

DEAR SUSAN: You advised a newly single woman to focus first on friendships and let dating come later because she needs a support system most of all. And you're right; she can begin dating later, when she's more settled. But it's not easy. Making friends as an adult (no longer a student) takes conscious effort because most people have already established relationships that claim most of their time. That effort requires some time alone with your thoughts to come up with a plan of action. To help, the book "MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend" describes how Rachel Bertsche, transplanted to a Midwestern city, went about creating a network of good friends. (Her system included once-weekly "friend-dates.") And as you're building friendships, you'll learn to take turndowns less personally and to cast a wider net than originally planned, to avoid depending on a sole BFF. It's worth the effort! — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Your posting is the stuff of dreams — made solid. No airy-fairy phrases that boil down to empty cheerleading. On the contrary, your suggestions are solid, well-thought-out and eminently doable. It's almost a given that many readers besides the newly single woman who inspired your advice will benefit from your words — including me. One can never have too many friends, but going about finding them seems to get more and more difficult each year, given familial and personal obligations, which seem to proliferate each year. Even the oldest of friends can at times feel tiresome and outdated, despite the emotional attachments that anchor them in place. Like the molting process, refreshing one's own roster of friends can call for annual culling and at least semiannual rethinking. But don't be hasty in tossing anyone overboard.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

Photo credit: Pruchanun R.