DEAR READERS: Back by popular demand, here is my "Declaration of Undependence."

I RESOLVE to think for myself rather than allow an "expert" to decide the course of my life. Though I will remain open to wise counsel, I alone will make the final decision in matters important to me. And when there are shared decisions to be made, I will make myself heard.

I RESOLVE to remain aware of my undependence/wholeness/individuality at all times, especially when in a coupled relationship. Without encroaching on my partner's needs, I will be vigilant in voicing my own.

I RESOLVE to nurture worthwhile friendships and be a loving friend, seeing as my undependence is built on healthy relationships. I will cultivate friendships with people of all ages and backgrounds, providing they enrich both my life and their lives.

I RESOLVE to build commonality with the other gender, convinced that it is neither alien nor the enemy. I will strive to establish authentic intimacy that goes far beyond sexual activity.

I RESOLVE to make my unmarried status an incidental fact, knowing that it in no way defines me or my contribution to the world. In the bigger picture of my life, marital status is not of major significance. Meaningful involvement is the measure I prefer.

I RESOLVE to bear with occasional loneliness, consciously resisting urges to flee into mindless or loveless company as avoidance. Aware that marriage is no buffer against its twinges, I will not use impulsive commitment to escape being with myself. Loneliness may be part of the human condition, and it can be used to become compatible with myself. That compatibility is the most important prerequisite for successful love partnership.

I RESOLVE to maximize the possibilities for growth within my singleness. Being unmarried has some disadvantages, but I will strive to maximize its many positives.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.