DEAR SUSAN: Even if we accept that many or most of those who are 'single' may be in a relationship, the concept of undependence applies to them as well. The disease of codependency or love addiction can affect anyone who has grown up with an inner wounded child. That's because one's parents don't have to be abusive, only neglectful and emotionally inaccessible to cause emotional disturbance. So, people in marriages may also struggle with undependence. The point is people may need to become undependent of siblings, children or parents. In other words, this Declaration of Undependence applies to a very broad audience, regardless of their relationship status. Thanks, Susan. — From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: (sigh.) Oh, to be misunderstood, to be skewered on your very own blog! How bad can things get?? Until, that is, some wondrous sage comes along and bucks the tide with reasoned discourse. (Thank you, dear Reader, a zillion times over.) The term "undependence" is a synonym for the wholeness anyone can attain. Carefully thought-out, it is neither solitary nor self-absorbed. An undependent person comes across as self-sufficient, capable, confident. That describes the life and the person who meets the challenge of carving out a life on their own. All of us will experience aloneness at some point during our lifetime, so it is best to know one's capability to handle that occurrence. (The Buddha advises us in all situations to rely on ourselves, not on someone else.) Ergo, it makes great sense to strengthen oneself in any and every way — at any age. Think about it.

DEAR SUSAN: I'm reading your questionnaire for the never-married and wondering why you ask them the reason they haven't married. Why is there still the assumption that everyone wants to marry? (You wouldn't be asking if you didn't assume it.) The question makes about as much sense as asking why they never moved to Paris. If you think everyone should move to Paris, then and only then it makes sense to ask the question. (But if you weren't of that opinion, you wouldn't ask.) Hey, Susan, how come you never moved to Paris? — From the 'Single File' blog

DEAR BLOGGER: ...because French food has a tendency to sour my stomach. (But not nearly as much as bloggers with an attitude.) Hey, friend: The human psyche has a distinct tendency to want someone to love; whether the relationship is eventually formalized by a ceremony depends on many factors. But the fact is, at any given time 95% of our population is married. And among the other couplings are paired partners who for some reason prefer to maintain their singleness while coupled. What you may have missed — in your rush to leave for Paris — is that the question that riled you so was part of my nationwide survey of single sexuality. And it drew one of the largest responses of the queries. Because, I like to think, it prodded the old buttons; IT MADE PEOPLE THINK. Questions? ( en francais, of course.)

We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA, 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

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