DEAR SUSAN: A man recently wrote to you and said he doesn't want to feel like "prey." Of course he doesn't. And clearly, he has no idea what it's like to grow up female. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Whew. You blew the braid right off my head. What sort of analogy is that? How much damage did it inflict on your psyche as years passed and males whistled and gawked at your nubile beauty? And where did it come from, such an unusual reaction to male admiration? From your mother, your sister, a male-hating buddy? And how does it limit your appreciation of relationships now, in these adult years? Again, whew. I can't imagine living every day with that image in your mind. And no, the reader you cite doesn't want to feel like prey. But this week, I heard from a reader who had childhood fantasies of an older woman — a "cougar," in modern-speak — who would lovingly instruct him in the ways of love. He didn't realize that dream, but even in his wildest fantasies, he never felt like her "prey." Whew. I have a feeling some incendiary prose is on its way to this desk! You can be sure I'll keep you informed about the letter's shockwaves.

DEAR SUSAN: You often suggest volunteer work for us. Most volunteers will tell you they get more from giving than the folks they're helping. Even more interestingly, we absolutely do not have to have any sort of partner, harmony or sex life to get all the good feelings that come from giving to others. And there are very few organizations that require their volunteers to be coupled. (And when they do, it's for a specific reason. For example, a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend would need a married couple to lead.) All a volunteer needs is a willingness to donate time and skills — plus, of course, openness and flexibility toward others in the organization. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: As I see it, the impetus behind volunteering is a hunger to get back to basics. We've gone far away from our inborn instinct to help — sneakily diluted by the almighty profit margin — and something in us is pushing us to return. Some vestigial need to give of ourselves is proving itself to be as fundamental to our overall well-being as nutritious food and regular exercise. It seems to me that man's generosity to offer what he can to his fellow man is a nutrient. Charity somewhat offers that nutrient, but it is faceless and bureaucratic. Me, I'd rather open my purse in answer to a sidewalk plea than have my check get lost in a maze of departments and titles. (Remember that next time you're passing an outstretched hand holding a cup.) The real payoff is the mutual glow of person-to-person generosity. Yes, we are our brothers' keepers.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

Photo credit: Asher Isbrucker