"He's making a list and checking it twice, gonna find out who's not eating nice."

Bill Hoelzel sent me this charming rendering of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" by his 3-year-old grandson. It's one of many delightful responses I received to my recent request for mondegreens, phrases based on misunderstandings of spoken English. (The term "mondegreen" comes from mishearing the poetic line "laid him on the green" as "Lady Mondegreen").

Speaking of Christmas songs, when Joanne Spence heard "Silent Night" as a child, she dreamed of "sleeping in heavenly peas," and Shelley Reed recalls a small boy who, after singing "Silent Night," drew a nativity scene with a little fat man in the corner — Round John Virgin.

Yup, kids are natural mondy makers. Regina Neal reports that, when a kindergarten teacher told a boy he was a "disturbing element" in the class, he thought she said "dirty elephant."

Brock Putnam's young son loved The Ground Round restaurant, which featured costumed performers making balloon animals, so he begged to go to the "Clown Around."

Barry Tager was a kindergartener when his mother asked him what new song he'd learned in school. "The Swinging-Star Bannister," he replied.

When Janice Ninomiya's son heard a song with the line "Who built the ark? Noah. Noah" as "Who built the ark? No one. No one."

Whenever Janet Lawlor heard the line "oceans white with foam" in "God Bless America" as a child, she pictured white telephones floating on the waves.

Adults can mondy too. When a newscast reported an event "off the Portuguese coast," Pat Bacon wondered where the "Port Jiggles" coast was. Audrey Pinette told a co-worker, "My Keurig died," and her colleague replied, "Who's Mike?"

When John Bowen told his wife that a friend "grew up here," she replied, "grew a beard!?" And Lynn Fahy thought police had seized "white Christmas trees laced with drugs," until her husband explained that the tainted goodies were Rice Krispie Treats.

Pop music also pops out mondies. Jan Carrico thought The Traveling Wilburys' line "talking about last night" was "talking about Gladys Knight." Jim Gallagher reports two musical mishears: "Hold me closer, Tony Danza" for Elton John's "Hold me closer, tiny dancer," and "Otters and seals" for The Bangles' "Our lips are sealed."

Speaking of mammals, Jim adds that his 4-year-old son is repulsed by those stinky black-and-white critters — "stunks."

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.