Congress has passed more phony bills than a counterfeiter. An inhibited person has more hang-ups than a bad telemarketer. A rack of trousers has more pants than a tired runner.

Welcome to the grins (and groans) of "comparipuns" — snappy, snide comparisons based on a word's double meaning.

Comparipuns are naughty and nice. They throw a dash of sugar into a cup of venom — or sometimes it's the other way around. Done well, they offer more chuckles and snickers than a candy store.

Screenwriter Larry Gelbart, who rewrote his scripts many times, said he produced "more drafts than the north wind." Newspaper columnist Jim Shea profiled a veteran ring saleswoman who had "seen more fingers than a bad driver." And inner-city minister Bill Wilson once described an erudite professor who had "more degrees than a thermometer."

Can you detect a comparipun in the making? See if you can fill in the missing word to complete each mordant "more than":

1. A person with a beeper has more ____s than a book.

2. This — sentence — has — more _____s than — a — track — meet.

3. A man with an extensive collection of cravats has more ___s than a railroad track.

4. A deadbeat has bounced more _____s than a Prague trampoline.

5. A computer screen has more ____s than a hall of fame.

6. A repeat offender has seen more ________s than an avid reader.

7. A person besieged by difficulties has more _______s than a math book.

8. A problem solver has more ________s than a chemistry lab.

9. A tortuous golf course has more ___ ___s than a kennel.

10. A used car salesman has more _____s than a protractor.

11. A veteran raconteur has more ______s than the Empire State Building.

12. A superintendent of an apartment building has more ___s than a piano.

Answers:

1. pages 2. dashes 3. ties 4. checks/Czechs 5. icons 6. sentences 7. problems 8. solutions 9. dog legs 10. angles 11. stories 12. keys

Think you can concoct better comparipuns than these? Be my guest! Email me your comparipuns and I'll have more smiles than an emoticon library.

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. His new book, "Mark My Words," is available for $9.99 on Amazon.com. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to WordGuy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, California, 90254.

Photo credit: Potztausend at Pixabay