We begin our newscast with breaking news from Charlie Jargon with the Channel 99 mobile newsroom . . .

Thanks, Dave. We're live at the scene in this normally quiet neighborhood where militant activists have taken to the streets to protest the overuse of cliches by TV newscasters. Details are sketchy but emotions are running high.

This firestorm of controversy has been brewing for weeks. Fueling the debate and moving it to center stage was a recent newscast using the terms "nationwide manhunt," "clinging to life" "and reduced to rubble" all in the same sentence.

Let's take a listen to neighborhood spokesperson Bunky Bindershot: "I'm tired of hearing about hurricanes that pack a powerful punch, officials in the hot seat and projects that have cleared the last hurdle."

Back to you in the studio, Dave.

Thanks, Charlie. Take care of yourself out there. Turning to other news, a local man is behind bars tonight after multiple gunshots rang out in broad daylight outside a local residence. Eyewitnesses report that a man brandishing a firearm fled at a high rate of speed but was apprehended when he slowed down for police activity in the right lane.

Amid conflicting reports, authorities say this was an isolated incident, but could have been a botched drug deal gone terribly wrong.

Closer to home, clouds of uncertainty hang over the state capitol this evening as the governor takes an ax to the state budget after discovering a shortfall in state coffers last week.

The legislature had put the finishing touches on the spending plan and given state finances a clean bill of health until the governor uncovered massive deficits. With elections just around the corner and the fate of the state hanging in the balance, they're holding talks to hammer out an 11th-hour agreement before taxpayers, still reeling from tax hikes, wake up to sticker shock and pain at the pump.

We're just getting word that a gerbil is fighting for his life tonight after a one-alarm blaze swept through a backyard tree house, claiming the life of a pet turtle in downtown Dinkyville. First responders arrived at the scene to discover the wooden structure fully involved. Authorities said the gerbil is lucky to be alive.

(Thanks to the extensive list of TV News cliches at survivetvnewsjobs.com for help writing this parody.)

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.