The recent spate of natural disasters has produced a landslide of descriptive similes by journalists scrambling to convey the intensity of meteorological or geological events.
During the past few weeks, reporters have described torrential downpours as "waterfalls," "fire hoses" and "car washes," recounted boulders "as big as SUVs" in mudslides, and compared volcanic bombs to microwaves, refrigerators and cows. The massive burn zones of wildfires are invariably "as large as Delaware" (or Connecticut or Rhode Island).
(Such size-based nomenclature reminds me of the question people often ask when they're trying to identify a mystery object during a game of Twenty Questions: "Is it bigger than a bread box?")
Journalists reserve their favorite meteorological metaphors for hail. They love to pelt us with "hail the size of moth balls" (or golf balls or grapefruits).
But did you know that the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) actually provides set standards for comparing the size of a piece of hail to an object?
Go to NOAA's website and you'll find a chart that matches the size of a chunk of hail in inches with the familiar item that should be used to describe it.
The sizes are (in inches): .50 marble (or moth ball), .75 penny, .88 nickel, 1.00 quarter, 1.25 half-dollar, 1.50 walnut (or pingpong ball), 1.75 golf ball, 2.00 hen egg, 2.50 tennis ball, 2.75 baseball, 3.00 tea cup, 4.00 softball, and 4.50 grapefruit.
The pattern of hail-like items here is worth noting. NOAA takes the coin route early on — giving a new meaning to the term "change in the weather" — and then alternates nicely between natural objects and sports balls.
But those hen's eggs and tea cups are distinct outliers here. Unlike the other objects, they're decidedly non-spherical, their sizes can vary widely, and their fragility evokes vivid images of what might happen if they were struck by hail that's the same size as they are. Think "smithereens."
Lest you assume that linking hail to physical objects is something new, even the Bible tried its hand with similes for hail. In Revelation, 26:21, the King James Bible describes "a great hail out of heaven, every stone about the weight of a talent." (A "talent" was an ancient measure of weight that ran somewhere between 50 and 100 pounds.)
God's final message to humankind was clear: "Hail and farewell!"
Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
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