The ever-vigilant Word Guy Blooper Patrol reports these recent sightings:

1. "We wanted a highly qualified superintendent ... and we have to pay someone a commiserate salary." Is the pay really that low? (Spotted by Stuart Jay Sydney, Storrs, Conn.)

2. "You can help by collecting our register receipts and turning them into your local school." Are we magicians? (Dawn Walters, Blytheville, Ark.)

3. "From gold sequence to towering candles ... the ballroom transformed into a glittering dream." 18 karat, 22 karat, 24 karat? (Bernadine Schwartzentruber, Lowville, N.Y.)

4. "Someone with an inflated ego, need for constant praise, and lack of empathy for others might sound like a shoe-in for psychotherapy." A real heel? (Blanche Boucher, Coventry, Conn.)

Two from Mark Lander of Old Saybrook, Conn.:

5. "The seeds of the biggest upset in American history in recent memory were sewn here." This had me in stitches.

6. From an on-screen headline, "Firefighters Help Carroll Moose Caught in Traffic." I've heard of Carroll O'Connor, but Carroll Moose...?

7. "[Leonard Cohen] rose eyebrows when he spoke of a batch of unfinished songs." Our eyebrows rose when we read this. (Jo Ann Lawlor, San Jose, Calif.)

8. "...uncertainty about how the state will parse out state aid." Parsimoniously, I would imagine. (Judy King, Farmington, Conn.)

9. "It's not the guillotine, but it's a straight jacket." Well, a guillotine does have a straight edge. (Elliott Shevlin, Oak Park, Mich.)

Three restaurant signs:

10. "We Are Close on Thanksgiving." Waiters bonding over turkey? (Oren Spiegler, Upper Saint Clair, Pa.)

11. "All Shirts Must Be Collard" And green? (Dave Mueller, via email)

12. "Today's Special: Sirlion Steak" The "mane" course? (Andrew, via email).

13. "The genius behind McDonald's lied largely with Dick McDonald." Is that the truth? (Scott Barton, Pelham, Mass.)

14. "The university's mascot Howie the Hawk will repel down State House Square." Will terrified pigeons fly away? (Paul Blawie, Avon, Conn.)

15. "After months and months of pain staking tests and research, his team came across two products." Were the test subjects vampires? (Jane Blanshard, via email)

Corrections:

1. Commensurate salary; 2. Giving them to; 3. Gold sequins; 4. Shoo-in; 5. Sown; 6. Corral Moose; 7. Raised eyebrows; 8. Parcel out; 9. Straitjacket; 10. Closed; 11. Collared; 12. Sirloin; 13. Lay largely; 14. Will rappel; 15. Painstaking tests

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.