A Liberty Mutual commercial depicting a bicyclist with grossly overdeveloped "custom" calves features this tagline: "Only pay for what you need."

I hate to slaughter the fatted calf, but the "only" in this ad is misplaced. "Only pay for what you need" means that you will only PAY for what you need, as opposed to begging or bartering for it. Relocating "only" after "for" would better convey the intended meaning: Pay for only what you need.

The creators of this clever ad — all former English majors, no doubt — surely knew that. But no insurance company wants to begin its slogan with the word "Pay." Besides, everyone knows what the ad means, right?

Those Liberty Insurance copywriters have copycats. The dislocated "only" pops up in many ads, e.g., "This sale only lasts five days" (lasts only five days); "We only use natural ingredients" (use only natural ingredients); "If you only buy one kazoominator this year, let it be ours" (buy only one kazoominator).

Journalists also succumb to roving only-itis. Consider these recent examples from newspapers: "Privatization only works when you have excellent government monitors" (works only); "There is plenty of advice that only applies in certain conditions" (applies only); "That's why they (smokers) can basically now only smoke in their own homes" (smoke only); "Straws will only be available upon request at restaurants ... The law also only applies to full-service restaurants" (available only, applies only).

The dislocated "only" wanders through our common expressions as well: "I only have eyes for you" (I have eyes for you only); "You only live once" (You live only once). "It only hurts when I laugh" (It hurts only when I laugh).

But this is no laughing matter. Because "only" functions as the fulcrum of the sentence, placing it incorrectly creates an imbalance. Watch how the shifting of "only" changes the meanings of these sentences:

Only I saw him with his bike. (just me)

I only saw him with his bike. (didn't hear or smell him)

I saw only him with his bike. (just him)

I saw him only with his bike. (never with his skateboard)

I saw him with his only bike. (he owns just one)

I saw him with his bike only. (he had nothing else)

As you can see, "only" is a flippant, free-range rascal. So whenever you send him into the fray, make sure you put him in his place. In other words, place "only" for what you need.

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to WordGuy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Photo credit: at Pixabay