Dear Readers: With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I thought it would be appropriate to explore the always-tricky world of dating and money. As if dating didn't come with enough uncertainties, today's variety of financial situations can add another layer of concern: Who pays for what? Traditionally, the male has always been expected to pay. But traditions change with the times — right?

According to a 2013 study from Chapman University on gender norms and dating, presented to the American Sociological Association, certain conventions persist. For instance, over 80 percent of men and nearly 60 percent of women surveyed said that men pay for most expenses — not only on first dates but also on subsequent dates. Those are very gender-specific stats that more or less reflect the historical status quo.

However, nearly two-thirds of the men also felt that women should contribute. And I agree with that. If women are to be treated as equals, we need to be willing to carry our own weight financially.

At this point, you may rightly be asking: Where's the romance in all this? So in order to get greater insight into how today's couples keep love and money working hand in hand, I did a little personal research by talking with some friends of different ages and genders.

First-Date Financials

There seems to be the greatest consensus on who pays for the first date. If a man asks a woman out, it's expected that he'll pick up the tab. In same-sex couples or if a woman does the asking, the general agreement is that the person who extended the invitation should be responsible for paying for the date. Sounds fair enough.

However, there's also a bit of nuance to consider. For instance, most men aren't offended if a woman offers to contribute on a first date. In fact, that's often considered a positive sign, even if the offer is refused. One fellow went so far as to say that if the woman makes no effort to share the cost, there probably won't be a second date. On the other hand, if a woman offers to pay — and the offer is accepted — the woman often considers this to be a negative. Go figure.

There are, of course, subtle ways to pay for a date to avoid any awkwardness. For instance, if you're going to an event, the asking party can pay for the tickets in advance. Or if it's a multi-part date — say dinner and then drinks somewhere else afterward — whoever initiated the date could pick up dinner, and the guest could offer to pay for the drinks.

One interesting new twist in today's dating world is the prevalence of dating apps, which result in people having more first dates now than even a few years ago. This can get pretty expensive — and even more confusing!

So what's the takeaway here? To me, it comes down to being prepared to pay your share, being considerate of the other person's feelings and being sensitive to each other's budget. Sounds as if that could be a good start to a relationship.

Splitting the Bill as Time Goes On

Just as today it's more common for women to be equal or even primary breadwinners, it appears very common for couples to share the costs of dating as a relationship continues. Whether a couple splits the bills or takes turns paying, unless one person's income is significantly greater than the other's, cost sharing seems generally to be considered the fair thing to do.

Of course, it doesn't always have to be 50-50. One person can always offer to pick up the tip, buy an extra round or spring for a movie. The important point is that neither party feels as if he or she is always responsible or that he or she is being taken advantage of.

Ideally, as a relationship grows, you'll talk to your partner about the way to handle dating costs that would be comfortable for both of you. After a few dates, take the initiative and bring up the topic. Showing that you're sensitive to and aware of monetary concerns not only would be appreciated at the time but also could be interpreted as a sign of future financial responsibility.

Keeping Finance From Ruining Your Romance

To me, the romantic side of dating is about finding a partner whose personality and interests jibe with your own. But the financial side is also important. After all, attitudes about money can be a window to much more. Starting out with a mutual awareness and concern for each other's finances — and a willingness to talk freely about money issues — can lay a foundation for ongoing openness as you begin to share your life.

Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz, Certified Financial Planner, is president of the Charles Schwab Foundation and author of "The Charles Schwab Guide to Finances After Fifty," available in bookstores nationwide. Read more at http://schwab.com/book. You can email Carrie at askcarrie@schwab.com. This column is no substitute for individualized tax, legal or investment advice. Where specific advice is necessary or appropriate, consult with a qualified tax adviser, CPA, financial planner or investment manager. To find out more about Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.