Potty training your toddler while pregnant presents an odd paradox. How can I convince him that briefs are best when all I can think about is how magical it would be to wear a diaper? Seriously, that crazy astronaut lady from a few years ago was onto something. I try not to be a hypocrite in raising my child. I actively avoid the "do as I say, not as I do" mentality. But my maternal conviction may have met its match. Prenatal Pull-Ups sound like perfection.

I believe that my toddler knows when it is time to use the potty but opts not to leave the fun activity he's engaged in. Find me a single adult person who hasn't suffered from the same dilemma. Serve your basic human functions or wait until the end of the show to see who gets the final rose or makes the final shot in the game. You can't relieve yourself now! Your fantasy relationship/football team depends on your pacing before the television set. The damage you could cause to your fellow fans — nay, to the world!

How can I reprimand my kid when he wants to keep playing blocks or riding bikes? I get it. Potty breaks stink, and now that I'm pregnant, I don't even have to be doing something fun to want to avoid the incessant nagging of Mother Nature. Why is it that when you are running on fumes, exhausted to the core and carrying around an extra 40 pounds of weight, you are destined to hoist your heavy body off the chair/couch/elephant/random person's lap you've plopped down on and proceed to shuffle a distance that, no matter how close, seems inexorably long?

My son has expressed zero interest in potty training. I am certainly not above bribery; my son, however, is unbribable. I tried inducing him with an M&M every time he used the potty.

Nada.

I upped the ante to two M&M's. Then the whole bag. Then to toys. Hot Wheels. Action figures. I said I would give him a new puppy every time he sat on the potty. My son responded, "No, I don't think so." Which, I guess, is a blessing in disguise. If he got a puppy every time he used the potty, I'm fairly confident we'd get in trouble with a few animal rights organizations. Cruella de Vil would be put to shame with her mere 101 Dalmatians. Think of the coats we could make.

Actually, don't. That's a terrible idea.

I'm starting to think it's all a scam. While a simple sneeze, laugh or cough can give me a case of pregnancy incontinence, my son is engaged in one big bathroom ruse. And why not? It's genius. His portable training potty has been moved to a prime position in front of the television, next to all of his favorite toys. Praise, prizes and presents are plentiful. And underpants come in colorful packs with his favorite characters on them. You know how long it's been since I had my heroes on my panties? Why don't they make She-Ra underwear for adults? For the honor of Grayskull, I must find out why!

Being pregnant with my second child is a very different experience than being pregnant with my first. Replacing worry and terror is self-examination. Time is spent exploring all the things I feel I have done right in parenting so I can aim to repeat — and exploring all the things I've done wrong so I can aim to avoid. When it comes to potty training, I think I've done a lot wrong. I can't help but think that perhaps there is another way.

My friend just got a puppy, and the pup was trained in a week. Maybe I can follow her method for my second child. We'll start on the day I take her home, just as my friend did. Sure, I'll have to line the whole house with newspaper every morning, but hey, at least I'm promoting literacy. My daughter will be at a fifth-grade reading level before she can crawl. It's hard to see a downside.

Then again...

Yesterday my son went the whole day in his new underwear without any accidents. I wish I could say the same thing. Maybe my toddler should be the one potty training me.

Like Katiedid Langrock on Facebook, at http://www.facebook.com/katiedidhumor. Check out her column at http://didionsbible.com. To find out more about Katiedid Langrock and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.