Celebrity watchers have witnessed the same story dozens of times: a publicist issues an emphatic statement — a denial that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are having marital problems, for example, or the insistence that Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys are not dating — only to later be proven wrong. Or to have been covering up, overly protective, false, dishonest, deceitful, deceiving, duplicitous. That is to say, lying.

Yes, celebrity publicists have a long history of mendacity. That is why Jimmy Kimmel led the crowd at a Publicists Guild Luncheon a few years ago in prayer, asking forgiveness for "all the lies we told to US Weekly last year, and those we will tell this year."

Certainly, the reputation is not deserved among the many public relations professionals who try to play it as straight as possible with the community at large and with the press. But others, well, they brought this designation on themselves. These very special PR people say the darndest things without flinching, often due to a combination of shamelessness and six-figure retainers.

Fortunately, decoding Hollywood Press Agent Speak is no problem for those who've been around it very long. Here is your handy guide to what some of the more popular phrases actually mean:

THERE IS NO TROUBLE IN THE MARRIAGE: "I will not admit there is trouble in the marriage." It's not just Gwyneth and Chris. To judge by their reps, there are celebrities who have never had trouble in any of their three or four — or more — marriages. Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Liza Minnelli and David Gest — the list of celebrity couples whose press agents denied trouble in their relationships as they were breaking up goes on and on.

WE DON'T COMMENT ON OUR CLIENTS' PERSONAL LIVES: Really means, "Whoa! You caught me completely unprepared and I'll have to go think up an explanation for what my client was doing," such as a client picking up a transvestite hooker on Santa Monica Boulevard in the middle of the night instead of being home with his wife. The pretentious-sounding "We don't comment on our clients' personal lives" line was used a month before their official split by a rep for Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow, with the rep adding, "but I can assure you that [breakup rumors are] totally false." Note: Always beware the words "I can assure you."

THEY HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER: "They loathe each other but each one has enough power to intimidate the other so they're sucking it up — for now." Can be used to pass off on-set catfights, such as when one actress gets a higher salary and then on top of it gets a better bathing suit and more important placement than her co-stars in a fashion magazine layout involving their hit show.

THEY HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER, II: "They have the hots for each other to such a degree that everyone else on the set wishes they'd take a cold shower." Used to dodge pesky inquiries about an on-set romance, especially when one or both stars are married.

THEY MAY HAVE THEIR DIFFERENCES, BUT THEY'RE LIKE A FAMILY: "A really, really hostile and dysfunctional family."

IT'S NOT DISAPPOINTING BOX OFFICE: "What, are you going to believe the numbers?"

HOSPITALIZED FOR EXHAUSTION: The oldest dodge, and still, remarkably, in use. Such a statement might really mean that the celebrity in question wants out of a tour that's going badly, or was found curled in a fetal position in a bureau drawer, mumbling in Klingon after ingesting enough drugs to make an African bull elephant high. It might mean the celebrity went to a secret spot to dry out, detox or hide from an angry mate. It might even mean he or she was hospitalized for exhaustion — but don't put any money on the latter.

WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT?: "This is a question I don't want to answer, so I will critique it instead." By placing the onus on the media for daring to broach a forbidden subject, the press agent turns attention away from the client's delicate underbelly. "I don't know what's worse, the people who make this stuff up or the fact that people believe it," blasted the rep for Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, denying the long-ago couple's marital trouble before their split became public. Celebrities themselves often use this ploy. For instance, last month when NPR's TV critic Eric Deggans asked Katherine Heigl about a Hollywood Reporter story that detailed a widely held view that she and her mother are considered difficult to work with. Her first line of defense was to disparage the question. Was it a question? She didn't understand the question. Could he repeat the question? This sort of rondelay happens so often that question disparagement is probably in the secret Celebrity 101 handbook.

A MUTUALLY AGREED UPON DEPARTURE DUE TO CREATIVE DIFFERENCES: A phrase that shimmers with "what legal says to say." This standard line covers up all sorts of wars and warts. It could mean someone's refusing to talk, gotten fat or won't come out of his trailer. You just never know. When stylist Patricia Field (of "Sex and the City" renown) departed the production of "Suburban Girl," the 2008 adaptation of "The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing," the director and others chalked it up to the ol' creative differences. But not star Alec Baldwin. "When Pat left, virtually everybody on the film was relieved," he told the New York Daily News. "She is a cranky, miserably unhappy woman, and I'm actually one of the few people on the set that actually gave Pat a chance." Now, there's some refreshing candor.

THEY'RE JUST GOOD FRIENDS: "They're getting it on at every opportunity."

THERE IS NO STORY: "There IS a story!" For example, about two months before they broke up, Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear issued a statement through their publicists, saying, "The real story is that there is no story. ... The truth is that after 11 years together, we are still happily married. Boring but true."

Note: Watch out for statements that overuse the words "true" and "truth."