Blessed art the millionaires, for a million dollars does not goeth as far as it used to.

Blessed art the governors of Florida and Texas, for they owneth the libs in the most Christlike way possible when they droppeth off desperate migrants, starving and exhausted, in blue cities for publicity stunts, treating human beings as props in political theater.

Blessed art those who are still posting pictures of the pump at the gas station after they filleth up.

Blessed art those who, every time it snows, sarcastically ask, "Whatever happened to global warming?"

Blessed art those who took federal payment protection loans, asked for those loans to be forgiven and now complain about student loan forgiveness.

Blessed art the senators, the congressmen, the radio and TV hosts, the pundits, the LibsofTikTokkers and the tweeters serving on the culture wars' front lines. For, lo, they do labor for one goal only, and that is the betterment of mankind. It hath nothing to do with book sales, cushy consultant gigs, speaking fees and "gifts" from lobbyists.

Blessed art the CEOs, the Randian conservatives and the corporate communications flaks, for it becometh increasingly difficult to find ways to complain about low unemployment rates in the United States.

Blessed art the victims of cancel culture, people punished for following their beliefs, unless those people were Republican politicians who did not believe the election was stolen, in which case, those RINOs got what was coming to them. People fired for offensive tweets are martyrs of Christ, but teachers fired for admitting they're gay should've just kept their mouths shut.

Blessed art those who "Back The Blue" unless The Blue are FBI agents lawfully executing a search warrant.

Blessed art the gun-nuts, for "The Prince of Peace" would be a great name for an assault rifle, and endless murders of children are a small price to pay for unimpeded access to military-grade weaponry.

Blessed art those who said one person should be imprisoned for having non-classified information on a personal email server but have no problem with someone keeping nuclear secrets in a room at a golf resort.

Blessed art those who fervently believe that someone should make their own medical decisions when it comes to COVID vaccines and masking, but not when it comes to pregnancy or gender transition.

Blessed art the New Feminists, people who would once have called someone a "hairy-legged trout" for suggesting that anything has ever been even slightly more difficult for women. But, lo, these New Feminists hath discovered a burgeoning passion for reproductive rights, women's sports and woman-centric language when (and only when) it concerns transgender issues.

Blessed art the victims of reverse racism, any white person who suffers a negative consequence that they believeth should instead have been vested upon a person of color.

Blessed art the truth-seekers, the red-faced hyperventilators, for they valiantly uncovereth conspiracies about lizard people, pizza-parlor satanists and JFK Jr.'s whereabouts. That they happen to also be making millions of dollars from the credulous and the fearful is a complete coincidence, and The Lord Our God resents the inference that they art vile con men.

Blessed art those who oppose federal minimum wage increases, paid maternity leave, improvements to veterans' benefits and health care subsidies, for now they complaineth about how hard it is to get good help these days.

Blessed art those who refuse help to the poor, saying they will always be with us, knowing that, therefore, thou needest feel no obligation to care for them.

And though thou may be tempted otherwise — for selfishness and hypocrisy often are the partners of fame, wealth and other transitory rewards — instead rejoice and be glad if thou art not so thoroughly blessed as these kinds of men.

For, truly, it is those without these blessings who will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

To learn more about Georgia Garvey, visit GeorgiaGarvey.com.

Photo credit: Didgeman at Pixabay