The simple act of gift giving has become extremely complicated. I blame that on the consumer credit industry. Think about it: You can be completely broke but still spend thousands of dollars on wedding, graduation, birthday and Christmas gifts — and believe it is not only your right to do so but also your obligation to do it. We believe the message that we have to spend a lot for gifts to be socially acceptable.
Gift giving is a custom that has pretty much run amok. But it doesn't have to be that way. We can choose to make wise and reasonable decisions about the gifts we give.
How many of you cannot recall the special-occasion gifts you gave last year? How about the gifts you received? Come on, let's see those hands. OK, that's just about everybody.
It's not because we're total ingrates that we have trouble remembering the gifts we gave, or even the ones we received. It's because when it's all over, the gifts pale in comparison to the joy they deliver — the love and best wishes for the special event or the season. That's what we carry with us when we receive a gift.
Gifts are messengers. They are tokens of the esteem we hold for people we care about. They deliver our love and our best wishes. Gifts express the fondness we have for another person. Without the care, love or concern, the gift is empty. Giving a gift just so you can mark a name off a list is a hollow effort that is likely to fall flat no matter how much money you spend.
Give something you made.
Whether it's something from your kitchen, your craft room, your woodworking shop or your computer, there's just nothing like a homemade gift. A plate of cookies, a loaf of bread, note cards — these are just some of the kinds of homemade gifts with universal appeal.
Give the gift of compassion.
Do you want your gift to say how much you care? Then find a way to show you care about what matters most to that person. Is he or she passionate about medical research? Become a bone marrow donor. An environmentalist? Donate to an organization that reforests and plant a tree in his/her name. Do something that this person will find meaningful, and then do it in their honor. Write a description of your experience and give it to the person.
Give what you do best.
Often the most meaningful gifts and most difficult ones to give are those that cost no money at all. A gift from the heart is a gift of time and talent. What do you do well? Cook, clean, babysit, garden, sew, drive, shop? Whatever it is, create a unique gift certificate and make what you do the gift that you give: a weekend of babysitting, a day of housecleaning, six hours of errand running — you get the idea. Hint: Follow up within just a few days to set the exact time your certificate will be redeemed. Your recipient may be too embarrassed to remind you to make good on the gift.
Give it in writing.
Worried that your gifts — homemade or otherwise — are too cheap or not exactly right? All of your doubts will vanish when you include a short note with each one telling the recipients what they mean to you and the value they bring to your life.
The best gift is one that delivers a message of love and joy and remains with the recipient long after it has been consumed, used or put away.
Mary invites questions, comments and tips at mary@everydaycheapskate.com, or c/o Everyday Cheapskate, 12340 Seal Beach Blvd., Suite B-416, Seal Beach, CA 90740. This column will answer questions of general interest, but letters cannot be answered individually. Mary Hunt is the founder of www.DebtProofLiving.com, a personal finance member website and the author of "Debt-Proof Living," released in 2014. To find out more about Mary and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at www.creators.com.
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