Q: I'm a lonely widower looking for a good woman to love and make my new partner. It took me several years to cope with my grief, but I finally went back on the dating scene. After a six-month relationship with a friend of a friend, I believe I've found the one.
I'm not sure if she's as interested in me as I am in her. We don't have similar backgrounds, and like most people, both of us have baggage. I want to do everything to encourage her that I'm a good choice.
How can I convince her I'm her man?
A: You need to let her know how lucky you are to have found her.
As you begin to know each other better, whether she responds affectionately or not will indicate if she's seriously interested in being with you. In the courting process, your conversation and the things you do for her allow her time to evaluate what kind of man you are. Many healthy relationships are founded when we look for people who complement us. Nobody is perfect, so we look for someone to balance us out.
Be patient — women take more time to size up a guy. Health, age, family, finances and location all play a major part in these decisions.
Six months may not be long enough for her to decide, but you should check in to see whether you're on the same page of looking for a long-term relationship. What she says will help you know why she is or isn't as committed, and if this will change.
Ask yourselves and each other what you're looking for in a relationship and whether your interests match. If they don't, can you compromise?
Give it some time. Getting back into the dating scene may be prompting you to rush the process. Remember that you're looking for a new relationship, not a replacement for the old one. — Doug
HOLIDAY CHEER
Q: This time of year, it feels like everyone around me is turning negative. I'm coming across a lot of very angry and upset people, which affects my mood. The holidays have always been a happy time for me, but it's difficult to celebrate when those around me are such downers.
What can I do?
A: It's a sad truth that the holidays often bring a lot of sadness for some people. December can feel like a very lonely time of the year, especially for seniors.
Try to detach your mood from your environment. Instead of feeling dependent on others, work on affirming yourself and becoming less reactive.
We cannot force others to behave the way we wish. Instead, look inside yourself and change your attitude.
Focus on improving your reactions and you will feel empowered and more resistant to outside influence.
Be conscious of the blessings you have in your life, both big and small. Consider your health, finances, loved ones, education and positive influences around you. When you're frustrated, remind yourself to be patient with others and consider what commonalities you share.
Patience and kindness go a long way. If you break the cycle of negativity, you could uplift the moods of the people around you.
Instead of lamenting about others, take positive actions. Share something special with your neighbors, and enjoy it together! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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