Q: My daughter and her husband have been having a lot of problems in their relationship recently. They are always fighting and don't seem to be able to get along.

My wife and I had a very contentious relationship ourselves, but we stuck together until she passed 11 years ago. Our children all believe that we might have been happier if we'd divorced, but we both felt that was wrong, especially with three children.

What should I say to my daughter and son-in-law?

A: Even those of us who are happily married know that daily practical issues can affect relationships dramatically.

Both partners in a relationship can mature and choose different paths, regardless of their ages.

It can take many years and a lot of life experience for us to understand ourselves, and we may discover that we aren't who we thought we were. Some people wake up in the morning and realize they've married a stranger!

Love, trust, happiness, sharing, maturing together and possibly raising a family all determine whether we have made the right or wrong choice of partner.

Although few go through the process, the most valuable gift you could provide them with now is to suggest they seek an experienced marriage counselor, a religious figure or another expert. These people see a large number of relationships and can often get to the heart of the matter. They will know what to look for and what to say in order to assess the relationship and its future.

For your part, be supportive of their decision. If they choose to work on their problems, you will be invaluable help. If they can't get over their issues, you won't help them by expressing your own frustration. — Doug

CHECKLISTS

Q: I've started to notice myself slipping — missing my appointments, failing to pay bills and just being generally forgetful.

However, I've been hiding these incidents from my adult children because I don't want to lose my privacy and control over my life. As my husband has been gone for seven years, I don't have anyone to check up on me.

What can I do to fix my problems myself?

A: Keeping a checklist is an invaluable tool. Having your responsibilities written down will act as a backup for you when you struggle to remember things.

Purchase a large desk calendar, and write down all your anticipated events, including birthdays, bill deadlines, appointments, meetings, etc. On large desk calendars, you should also be able to list all your important phone numbers, contact information and daily tasks.

You can check off the days and feel a sense of accomplishment.

Every night, write a list of your plans for tomorrow. During the day, you can check off your responsibilities. Always make sure to write down new tasks when you hear about them. You might forget to write them later.

Most people feel mentally clearer in the morning. Arrange your day according to when you feel most prepared to deal with your tasks.

Strive for consistency! Your system will keep you on track. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.