Q: My wife and I have always hosted Thanksgiving at our house. It's our favorite holiday, and we've always loved to have our entire family in one place to enjoy one another's company.

This is the first year that we can't fulfill our tradition. I had a serious health scare earlier this year, and we made the decision to skip the stress of hosting a large meal.

Luckily, one of our children offered to host the dinner. They're excited to take on our family's old traditions and are getting geared up for the opportunity.

What makes a good holiday guest?

A: Apply the knowledge you've gained from hosting family holidays. As a host, what type of guests have you appreciated the most?

That said, a few basic guidelines will help steer you right.

An important but overlooked rule is to show up at the appropriate time.

Many families are pretty relaxed about timing on major events, especially when many people are gathering in the same place. However, bad timing can get in the way of celebrations.

Arriving early can put major stress on the hosts, especially if they're still arranging the house or hors d'oeuvres. Arriving late can put a damper on holiday cheer, especially as the food grows cold or guests start to get hungry and irritable.

Make sure that no one has to wait for you to show up. Even if guests are arriving at staggered intervals, avoid interfering with the planned mealtime.

If you bring a dish, let the host know ahead of time. This can help them plan their menu.

Bringing an item or two can reduce the burden of cooking and coordinating cook times. Avoid bringing a dish that needs extra preparation before serving: The oven and serving dishes will be under heavy demand.

If you don't bring a dish, consider bringing a small host gift such as flowers or a bottle of wine. Hosts appreciate a gesture acknowledging the huge effort of taking on a holiday meal.

When you're there, offer to help out with the cooking or other small tasks. A small amount of effort can take away a lot of the stress of hosting.

Most importantly, show up prepared to have a good time. Holidays inevitably come with some chaos, and a pleasant attitude will get you through with cheer. — Emma

DEALING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT

Q: I'm frustrated with my family.

Even though I love my children, I feel like they aren't living up to their potential. Neither of my children has been as successful in life as they should have been. One had a nasty divorce and a string of bad relationships, and the other hasn't been ambitious in her work life.

I'm realizing that I don't have that many years left to spend with my family, but I can't help but feel dissatisfied. I've lived a long happy life for myself. But I don't feel that the next generation is setting a good example for my descendants.

How can I deal with the disappointment?

A: For your own sake, stop focusing on what other people "should" do.

Part of passing the mantle onto the next generation is realizing that your successors have to find their own paths. Their lives are not your own.

Stop holding your loved ones up to your standards. Judge them by their own goals and standards.

Ultimately, we have no control over others' actions; we can only affect ours. If you want change, rethink your own role and actions.

Change your attitude and offer help and advice to enable your children. Holding them up to your standard is unlikely to bear fruit.

Use the time you have left to connect with younger generations. Share your life wisdom with those who can benefit from it.

Instead of looking to critique, acknowledge the positive aspects of life. Disappointment and pride are choices we make. — Doug

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.