Q: The way men approach the rush, rush, rush of the holiday gift-giving season often frustrates wives and partners. Men prefer to write checks or send money for their gifts. Women prefer to give a much-wanted item and are happier if they can find just the right one.

Why do the sexes differ in their attitudes?

A: The reality is that women like to shop and men do not. Most men prefer not to become involved in mall adventures. However, that is not how the system works. Men usually become a part of the gifting process and "volunteer" to help their mates get the gifting job done as best they can.

"I need your help" is a common refrain among women this time of year.

Men are recruited as tagalong shoppers. I go with Betty to show support, but my goal is to find an unoccupied chair. Later we share lunch and I try not to show how grumpy I actually feel.

Retailers know that women shop around and men buy. When men enter a store they are on a mission and target specific items. Their objective to locate the closest parking place, buy their choices and get out of the store as fast as possible.

Dr. Daniel Kruger, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, says simply, "It's all in the genes!

His theory is that the differences have come about because of our evolutionary and cultural past.

Although food, safety and cultural conditions have changed over the years, he believes his analysis offers the best explanation of why the male/female dynamic remains the same.

Dr. Kruger eloquently summarizes his theory: "Man hunt! Woman tend cave!" Others have different explanations.

Q: As a frequently lonely widow I find my confidence and well-being suffering as my view of myself becomes negative. My friends and family seem to rise above depressive attitudes and stay focused and able to function better than I do. I am aware that I should be more grateful and positive but I am finding it more and more difficult.

How do others who have similar negative attitudes deal with these feelings?

A: As we age, activities that we were able to do so easily become more difficult to accomplish. We can also feel negative impacts from deteriorating health, loss of family and friends, loneliness and financial hardship.

Your habits concerns need to be reevaluated.

When you first awaken focus on that day becoming the best day of your life. That creates a positive attitude and it works. If you schedule regular volunteering hours you will become more positive about yourself — you'll discover that others have more problems than you do.

Regular exercising is essential for maintaining your lifestyle and mental clarity.

Having faith and hope and living every day enthusiastically are winning techniques.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Achim Voss