Q: We are a 75-year-old married couple with two grandchildren attending college. We help support one of them because her mother is divorced and can't support her fully. We are blessed to be able to help out.

However, our successful son has recently told us that he also needs some financial assistance.

We have always attempted to be fair to both of our children, but he is jealous.

How do we solve this problem?

A: Oh, that eternal jealousy! As much as grandparents would like to make things fair and equal, it rarely happens in most families. Even the matter of which grandchild will receive great grandmother's diamond ring will be a source of contention.

If you have the funds, you are able to help your son out, too. However, if you don't have the money to support both of them, I recommend that you and your wife open up the discussion of inheritance. Perhaps you could help your son out with some funds from your estate.

Obviously, no two children go down the same path in life, marrying a lifelong partner, having a similar work ethic, etc. The bottom line is your money belongs to you. Regardless of your relationship with your kids, choose how you share your money without guilt, prejudice or intimidation. — Doug

PATIENCE WITH PARENTING

Q: It's been wonderful to see my grandson grow up these last few years, but I don't agree with all of the parenting choices my son and his wife make. It seems especially evident that the younger generations don't hold their children to nearly the same standard of manners that I'm used to.

I've tried to give my son advice about how to parent differently, as we had plenty of practice raising him and his siblings. However, he just doesn't want to listen to my advice. I don't know why, but it's frustrating to be disregarded.

What can I do to get them to listen to me?

A: It can be difficult to see the world move around you and feel that you don't have an effect in the same way you did before. And seeing your son raising his own son can cause a huge change in perspective. Although you have more experience in raising children, parenting is a skill that everyone needs to learn for themselves.

Consider taking a different view of your role in the family — as grandparent, rather than parent. Although your advice could be invaluable, it's important to let the younger generations figure things out on their own. Your son is likely experiencing this same realization himself, with regard to his own child. Although it's important to be proactive and counteract serious problems, sometimes it takes patience to see the fruits of your labor.

Even if you see your son isn't parenting in the way you would, that doesn't mean he isn't listening to you. If you allow yourself to be more patient and less aggressive, you might be more able to see positive progress. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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