Q: We are in our 70s and have three grandchildren — two granddaughters and one grandson. We want our grandchildren to get college degrees. College expenses are so high that it has become a communal economic commitment between all three generations.

My wife recently overheard a conversation in which our grandson said he is jealous of his sisters and feels he's not getting a fair share of our financial support. It was never my intention to make him feel this way, but his sisters' schools are more expensive. We have always tried to treat our children and grandchildren equally, but this situation makes us wonder if we should take another approach. What do you think?

A: The bottom line is there is no such thing as fair and equal. These types of situations can stir up feelings in many families. Even small matters like who gets to keep great-grandmother's little opal ring can stir up a family feud. The bottom line is you do what you have to do. Children and grandchildren won't automatically develop a successful career path. The money belongs to you and your wife, and it is your choice what to do with it. You need to do what's best for you without feeling guilty, prejudiced or intimidated. — Doug

LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE

Q: Last month, I went to a cozy dinner party hosted by one of my oldest friends. I had a wonderful time and thought it was a wonderful evening for all.

However, my friend has been very cold to me ever since. I sensed that something was wrong. After some prying, I found out that she took offense to something I said during dinner. She thought I was making a veiled comment about her and her health, which was completely not my intention.

How can I address my gaffe?

A: One good tactic to fix this rift is to talk to your friend and apologize. Show her that you care about her feelings.

It is possible, however, that your friend is reacting to a pattern of your behavior? If you frequently make comments about peoples' health and that's something she's sensitive about, she may get defensive when you bring it up. Think about how often you talk about the topic of health around her, and consider whether anyone else close to you is touchy about a topic.

We all slip up in conversation from time to time, but it's important to look at the big picture. Sometimes, you're in the wrong. There's a great joke about a woman who calls her husband while he's driving and says that there's a maniac driving the wrong way on the freeway. Her husband responds that it's not just one driver — it's thousands! Make sure that you're not in the same mindset as that man.

Being considerate of peoples' tender spots is hugely important for maintaining relationships. — Emma, Doug's Granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Deb Nystrom