Q: I have been dating a widowed gentleman in my community for nearly six months now.

Both of us are beginning to become interested in a more serious relationship, but we are cautious because we have both had bad experiences during our first marriages: He discovered that his first wife was unfaithful, and my first husband abandoned me for a younger woman.

I hired an inexpensive lawyer, and my ex ended up with most of our assets. I do not want to go through an experience like that again.

How can I best bring my major concern to the table without losing his interest?

A: You need to be upfront with him and tell him about your feelings and past experience with relationships. Finances are a primary issue in second marriages. You need to be prepared to broach the financial discussion if and when he asks you to marry him. Suggest that you sit down and openly disclose your prospective financial situations and share income tax forms, salaries, other income, savings and major expenditures.

This removes speculation and uncertainty.

For a successful marriage, honesty and fairness are essential. Why not start with putting everything on the table? Other important topics include your health, feelings about your future stepfamily and your future residence. Also discuss your families' feelings about your marriage and how it might affect their inheritance.

If you are going to marry, you need to cede some of your privacy and open up.

It's possible that you might decide not to marry due to these discussions. A good guide to determine compatibility is analyzing how each of you spends money and what your attitudes about it are.

If you marry, you will gradually find these truths about each other. Being candid with each other will help you avoid a second divorce!

WASTING AWAY

Q: I am concerned that my mother is wasting away at age 80, and I'm worried about her health. She has completely lost her appetite. Our family wants to help her, but I need advice.

What can we do?

A: Eating can be a major problem for seniors. Many lose their appetite, worry about cost, or don't have the energy to prepare food or shop. It leads them to forgo this vital activity.

Loneliness is another reason that seniors don't eat. Eating is often a social activity, and many seniors lack the motivation. Without a community around them, they might not realize the impact of their eating habits. A strong support system can make all the difference.

To keep your grandmother eating, check in on her regularly. You can call her every day at a mealtime and check in, casually asking about her eating. If you live close, visit her and bring either basic groceries or a home-cooked meal. If you're farther, you could research a food service or gift basket service, or look for newspaper coupons for her.

Be supportive, and ask her whether there's anything you can do to help.

Since she already doesn't enjoy eating, help her reduce her stressors, which contribute to her distaste. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.