Q: Until recently, life for our grandson and his wife was seemingly perfect, full of fun, vacations and other luxuries. Both of them had well-paying jobs that they saw as stable.
Now their bubble has burst. They're losing their home, and they have substantial credit card debt. They're both lamenting the choices they've made and can't unmake.
What can we do to boost their morale?
A: Life is like a ladder, and there will always be difficult rungs to climb. Assure your grandchildren that they aren't alone, and that many others have gone through their same challenges.
As someone who has lived a full life, you can share your wisdom with them. Those of us who lived through the Great Depression are very aware of the unavoidable booms and busts of life. Many generations have experienced these same feelings and believed the world was their oyster, and then hit bad times and been forced to adjust their lifestyle.
Life is a continual process of reprioritizing. Common sense needs to be their new reality. They need to learn how to balance expenses and income. The entire world is on sale, and the prices of stocks, cars, real estate and almost everything else are being renegotiated. Cash is king. One only needs to see the full parking lots at Walmart and 99 cent stores to understand that we are all making these same negotiations.
Self-denial is a virtue, and whining is a waste of energy. Although it may be difficult to adjust, it is rewarding to learn how to manage our affairs and struggle through our problems.
Explain to your grandchildren that a positive attitude is essential. Assure them that they will find a way to handle their basic needs of love, food and shelter. Discuss the trials you've undergone, and tell them how you've managed through these rough patches.
In hard times, we have to rely on each other. It's tempting to turn on each other and play the blame game, but that only gets you so far.
Emphasize the power of coming together. If they can get through their financial problems, their relationship will be stronger than ever! — Doug
SEEKING LOVE
Q: After nearly three years of widowhood and attending our senior center community activities, church and other social outings, I still haven't been able to find a new partner.
Two of my friends have told me that I'm trying too hard, and that I will find the right man once I tone it down. In the meantime, I don't enjoy being alone.
I am healthy and can take care of my own finances. What do you suggest I do next?
A: Looking for a new partner isn't easy, particularly if you were lucky enough to have had a great spouse. Finding a healthy and happy man who is compatible with you and in need of companionship is (and should be!) a challenge.
You're on the right path by participating in group activities. Also consider spending time in places where men gathering regularly, such as bowling alleys and other areas where sporting groups congregate. Attend afternoon tea dances and civic clubs, such as the Rotary and Kiwanis.
Ask yourself why you're not successful. Are you not meeting enough potential partners? Are you being too picky? Are you getting in your own way?
Once you answer these questions, you will know how to adjust accordingly. Listen to your friends, and ask them what they think.
In the meantime, practice a little introspection. Why do you dislike being alone so much? Make steps to enjoy your life, whether you're alone or not!
When you're happy with yourself, you'll be surprised how easy it is to find someone. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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