Q: As grandparents we believe we are financially generous to our family. Every year we dutifully send a check for each member's birthday and appropriate holidays.

Although we have chosen not to make an issue of it, we rarely receive a thank you from our grandchildren. They anticipate their checks!

Occasionally, we learn from other grandparents that they have received a thank you letter for their gifts. Those grandparents consider them treasures. We are jealous. Have you learned of other grandparents complaining?

A: Yes. In many families, NOT responding is OK!

When and if you choose to inquire if your gift was received, there are a few options. You can phone and ask if the recipient liked getting the check, say your check had not been cashed, ask if the item fit, or give another excuse.

The most common excuse for not responding is that they have been "SO BUSY."

Most grandparents choose not to open up the thank you issue because they fear their grandchildren will take it as a criticism.

In one case where grandparents were late sending a check, their grandson called their grandparents to make sure it had been sent and asked for the amount.

Some grandparents consider not sending future gifts, but rarely do. They accept the fact that kids are immature, give them a pass, and do the same every year.

Most elect to just let their grandchildren do what they do and try not to judge them or their parents.

Every family deals with the issue as best it can. The real issue is not to get bogged down in the details. You have expressed your love, and that is what counts!

Q: Our granddaughter is 16 and is beginning to date. She is wonderful, loving and a very caring person. However, she is messy and admits it, but chooses not to change her habits. Usually she only has one date with a boy. Her girlfriends tell her guys don't call back because they don't want to deal with her messiness.

Neither her parents nor we can understand why she doesn't get it. None of us are happy about it. They are beginning to believe she deliberately acts as she does. What could be her problem?

A: Being a teenager pops up! She may be acting as she does because she is on a power trip, is not comfortable with males yet, is unhappy with her family, needs more attention, unhappy with her weight, does not feel part of the gang, is having grade problems, feels she is not competitive, does not have self-esteem, or any other number of concerns.

She will overcome most of these issues in the future and is in the process of maturing, learning how to become more positive, how to compromise, and react to her current age.

She is not making mistakes; she is simply having experiences.

That is the way we all learn!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California Retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.