Q: Our family holiday celebrations didn't go well. Nobody arrived on time, so the food was cold, and the hosts were irritated. The grandchildren didn't like their gifts and complained the entire time.

The night ended abruptly, with everyone leaving frustrated.

As for me, I drank more than I expected and said some things I regret. My daughter hasn't spoken to me directly, but I have heard from others that she is very upset with what I said about her marriage.

I think what I said is true and she needs to listen, but it was the wrong time and place to bring up my concerns.

Should I apologize?

A: Yes. You should apologize for the sake of your relationship.

Family relationships should be more important than feeling justified. Although what you said may be true, communication is more complicated than that. How and when we share a message is just as important the message itself.

When making your apology, don't reassert that you think you're in the right. Bringing up multiple issues (your argument and her relationship) at the same time will muddy the emotional waters.

In the future, avoid the liquor table at family gatherings. Seniors have less alcohol tolerance than they used to; excessive drinking only exacerbates stressful situations.

Focus your apology on your daughter's feelings, and save your advice for another occasion. — Doug

GARDEN SAFETY

Q: I don't know a lot about gardening, but a neighbor gave me a plant that he called "hot sticks." I've seen it around but heard some negative things about having it in your garden, including that touching it can make your eyes burn.

It does look nice, and my neighbor reassured me that he's never had an issue. He loves the plant and has had it for several years now. He also knows a lot about gardening, so I tend to trust his opinion.

Are "hot sticks" safe to have in my garden?

A: You're probably better off avoiding this succulent. It's called Euphorbia tirucalli, and it goes by several different names, including "sticks on fire" or "fire sticks."

Fire sticks have become popular in landscape architecture, as they are an attractive and easy-to-maintain border, and animals don't eat them. However, as with most trends, there are some downsides that people don't tend to consider.

Fire sticks are easy for a novice gardener, but they are also very toxic. When you break the stems off, there is a milky sap that causes a burning sensation for the eyes and skin.

Some people are very sensitive to the toxin and have a severe reaction, which may require hospitalization. Your neighbor may be lucky in having some immunity.

Additionally, fire sticks resilience can be an issue for the future. They are invasive and hard (and potentially injurious) to remove. Once you introduce them to your garden, you'll have trouble changing your mind.

If you plant your cutting, make sure to always use gloves and goggles and avoid touching your eyes. Keeping it on the periphery, out of high-traffic areas of your yard, will avert any hazard away from you and your guests.

If you want to remove the plant later, consider hiring a gardener. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: at Pixabay