Dear Annie: I previously worked with a woman, "Loretta," who I've maintained a relationship with for over 20 years. We were never close, meeting-for-lunch type friends — more of a talk-once-a-month type. However, this changed when Loretta experienced financial difficulties, a marital separation and attempted suicide.

She was hospitalized for two months and, as a result, has mobility problems. I have gone to several doctor visits with her. I'm older and retired. I suggested citywide transportation that runs specifically in her city, and Loretta found it reliable for a time. Recently, she refused the local pain management option, I believe due to her prior suicide attempt, and insisted on going to a clinic out of town instead.

I don't want to continue helping her as I have been. How do I go about ending this dependency? I don't want to hurt her feelings or lie. Loretta avoids asking her husband and daughter for help because they work, and she has another daughter who's 21 but doesn't drive because she hasn't gotten her license. Loretta has offered me money to continue helping her, but that's not the problem. She often has early appointments or ones that conflict with my schedule, which is why I don't want this responsibility. Her situation seems dire at times, but it seems she's had constant hurdles throughout her life.

What do you think? — Not a Taxi

Dear Not a Taxi: You've shown remarkable compassion toward Loretta, but what you're describing isn't friendship anymore. It's caretaking, and it's become too much.

Tell her, gently but firmly, that you can no longer manage or transport her to appointments. You don't need to explain yourself, but if she presses, it's OK to admit that her schedule has often conflicted with yours and it's just no longer doable. Encourage her to lean on her family. Point her back to the transportation services you helped her find before. If she chooses not to use them, that's her problem to solve — not yours.

You've put Loretta ahead of yourself for a long time without getting much of anything in return. Between stretching yourself thin or stepping back, the healthy choice is clear. You deserve to choose yourself and let yourself off this hook.

Dear Annie: I bought my house in November 2024. I was told the previous owner died in June that year, so just about a year and a half ago.

During the holiday season, a Christmas card arrived addressed to the previous owner. Should I just return to the sender or put a note on it saying she died? — Mail Mix-Up

Dear Mail Mix-Up: You can do both by writing "Return to sender — recipient deceased" on the envelope and popping it back in the mail. It's clear, and it spares the sender from wondering why their card went unanswered. It also alerts your mail carrier, so you're less likely to see more of her mail down the road.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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