Sock puppet's on first

The 2nd U.S. Court of Appeals in New York this week settled a critically important point of law: Should a demonic sock puppet in a Broadway play be allowed to quote a snippet from Abbott and Costello's classic "Who's on First" routine without paying royalties to the comedians' heirs?

Answer: No, if the heirs hold a valid copyright. Alas, they don't. And so the producers and promoters of "Hand to God" are off the hook. Robert Askins' play, described by the New Yorker as "Sesame Street meets The Exorcist," has been a big hit since it opened last year. So Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's heirs thought they should get a little taste.

And they might have if they held a valid copyright. But it seems they only had copyright on two filmed versions of the bit in the 1940s. The bit itself may be in the public domain. It took a 64-page opinion to settle this. The judges must have been questioning their decision to go to law school.

Right to farm dope

... And so might St. Louis Circuit Court Judge Robert H. Dierker, who recently was forced to rule that the "right to farm" constitutional amendment that Missouri voters passed in 2014 does not encompass a right to grow weed.

Dierker sentenced Mark Shanklin, 53, to 120 days in jail and five years' probation on his July conviction for drug distribution and possession of drug paraphernalia. The charges stemmed from his arrest for growing 300 marijuana plants at his home in Carondelet.

Shanklin had argued that the arrest violated his constitutional right to farm. He apparently failed to realize that the amendment was less about real threats to farming than paranoia over animal rights groups. If People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals had invaded his home, he might have had a case.

Wonder Woman smacks into U.N.'s glass ceiling

The United Nations, that esteemed world body with a penchant for rankling conservatives with its touchy-feely progressivism, had a golden opportunity to set an example for gender equality by doing something it's never done before: Elect a woman to the secretary-general's post.

Seven women were among the contenders to replace outgoing Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon. The Security Council chose a man, Antonio Guterres, former prime minister of Portugal, as the U.N.'s top representative.

Disappointing, yes. But at least the U.N. took a big step toward raising the stature of women by naming Wonder Woman as the body's mascot of female empowerment. Because nothing speaks to this issue quite like a well-endowed, skimpily clothed cartoon character. Wonder Woman joins a long line of symbolic ambassadors who include Winnie the Pooh, Tinker Bell and Angry Birds.

The debate spectacle

These days, everything is a marketing opportunity, and a presidential debate is no exception. Thus did the Moscot eyewear company seize the fact that 66.5 million Americans watched Anderson Cooper moderate last Sunday's debate at Washington University wearing a pair of its "Brandon" model frames on his nerd lenses.

For only $250, Moscot advertised, you can get Brandons of your own. Or possibly a cheaper knockoff. That is what happened with Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's $375 Kawasaki 704 eyeglasses in 2008. Pretty soon, online retailers were selling knockoffs of the must-have frames for $38.80. If, unlike Anderson Cooper, your mother's not a Vanderbilt, you might want to shop around.

Trump twaddle

After hearing Donald Trump trivialize his sexual assault comments as "locker room talk" at the Washington University presidential debate, we can add professional locker room users to the list of people Trump has offended.

Not to be mistaken for shrinking violets, many pro athletes said yes, raunchy talk can be heard in locker rooms, but most said they don't hear the kind of lewd comments Trump made in an off-camera Access Hollywood video in 2005.

Former Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe summed it up well in an open letter to Trump: "We talk about women (and sex!)," wrote Kluwe. "We talk about wives, sisters, mothers, daughters, fans and groupies. Most guys respect women, some guys don't but never have I heard anyone use your particularly disgusting brand of sadism that refers to women as objects and not people."

Trump should do himself a favor and stay out of locker rooms for awhile. And beauty pageant dressing rooms ... and limousines with open mics ...

Put up your Dueker

Chalk one up for consumers. The Missouri Ethics Commission decided correctly to dismiss a complaint against 20th Ward Alderman Cara Spencer, who is trying to pass legislation to set fees for payday lenders operating in St. Louis.

Attorney Jane Dueker filed the complaint, saying Spencer failed to disclose a personal financial interest in the legislation. Dueker contends the conflict is Spencer's part-time paid job as executive director of the nonprofit Consumers Council of Missouri.

State law requires lawmakers to file a statement if they have "substantial personal or private interest" in legislation they are trying to pass. The ethics commission said there was no evidence that Spencer would benefit if the legislation passed.

Spencer said the payday loan industry had been trying to bully her for weeks, and her attorney said the complaint was an attempt to smear Spencer's reputation. Dueker said she filed the complaint as a matter of principle and not on behalf of payday lenders. Who else would have found a way to use payday lending to take a stand on principle?

REPRINTED FROM THE ST LOUIS POST DISPATCH