"It is not the critic who counts," Theodore Roosevelt said in his famous speech in 1910. This speech is hanging on my office wall; these are the words I've held in my mind this week.

In my line of work, critics come with the territory. In my email box, on social media and even in phone calls. It comes from people I've never met and from people who think they know me because they once shared my company many years ago. Some could say the very act of writing these opinion columns makes me a critic as well.

It's not just about criticism, though. It's about the purpose of one's criticism. There is such a thing as thoughtful criticism. It comes from those who are hard on you because they believe in you. These critics challenge you to become the best version of yourself. They come in the form of your best coaches, beloved friends and chosen partners in life. These people know what you value and understand that it's important to you to live within those values, so they question you when they see you step outside of them.

Hold these people dear and trust them with your heart and your dreams. They have your back. They stand by you on hard days and help celebrate your triumphs.

These are the people who understand that you are "in the arena," as Roosevelt says, striving toward a deeply personal goal.

Then there are the critics who want to pick at you like vultures. They needle and search for weak spots for their own schadenfreude. They have no idea what path you're on or what goals you're working toward. Their criticism speaks volumes of their character, and their judgment reflects their own insecurities.

This is what author Brene Brown calls cheap seat spectators. She writes, "There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives, but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those of us trying to dare greatly."

Social media feeds on cheap seat spectators. Read the comments section of any public post and you'll find them. So the challenge becomes, what kind of critic do you want to be?

As children we have all stood in front of an angry parent or teacher because we were in trouble. Most of us have suffered a critical tongue-lashing because a parent is so upset that they are yelling just to vent their anger and frustration in a "How could you?" kind of moment.

Conversely, there's the time when someone sits you down and says, "You've really messed up here. We need to figure out how to help you get through this and help you do better next time."

Which one of those conversations helps a person's development the most? I'm willing to bet it was the parent criticizing your actions while recognizing that you were in the arena of your own personal development.

True accountability is kind. True accountability offers space for growth and solutions that create a better outcome for everyone involved. Chastisement is not accountability, it's shame. It plays out in parenthood, our careers and our communities.

I want to help create a community that makes space for bravery, tells cheap seat spectators to sit down, and like Roosevelt said all those years ago, I want to be someone "who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly."

Join me in the arena.

Check out Bonnie's weekly YouTube videos at https://www.youtube.com/bonniejeanfeldkamp. To find out more about Bonnie Jean Feldkamp and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez at Unsplash