The envelope the charity's director received on Monday had no return address. The message inside — if you could even call it a message — was just a single word: "BEREN," spelled out in letters cut from a newspaper like a ransom note. It meant nothing to her, but it made her uncomfortable. She got more uncomfortable when she discovered that each of the other four board members had received the same message. Just the word "BEREN" spelled out in letters cut from newspapers. No one in the office had any idea what BEREN might mean. Then Tuesday, the same thing happened. Only this time the word everyone got was "WOOD."

All the postmarks were local. The delivery addresses looked computer generated. Obviously, BEREN and WOOD could have been done on that computer too. It just wouldn't have been nearly as dramatic. One of the board members suggested calling the police. "Call them if you want," The director said. "But what are you going to tell them — 'Some fiend is sending us words?'"

Wednesday, the word they all got was 'WILL" Was it a message? BEREN WOOD WILL. Where or what was Beren Wood? A board member who'd been an English major said, "When Birnam wood comes to Dunsinane that was the end for MacBeth. This is a threat."

"Then why not write 'BIRNAM WOOD?" the director asked. She Googled Beren Wood and got an Australian rules football player — that seemed unlikely. Beren Wood was also the fictional head of a fictional Beren Detective Agency in some novel. Seeing that, the English major — a Masterpiece Mystery fan — decided someone was going to be murdered.

But the third Google listing was for Beren Wood & Associates, a local business. The director called and left a message. It wasn't until "BLOW" arrived the next day that they informed the police, who immediately dismissed it with their own word, "Kids." The English major scoffed that kids wouldn't be quoting Shakespeare. As if anyone had. He suggested Beren Wood & Associates could be put under surveillance, arrested or, if necessary, shot.

The next day, two words showed up together, "YOU AWAY." Making it, BEREN WOOD WILL BLOW YOU AWAY!" The police rousted Beren Wood at his office with guns drawn. He wasn't a forest or a terrorist. He admits to being an idiot. (He wasn't actually even Beren Wood. The name has been changed to protect someone who told this story on himself. He won't name the charity.)

The charity was looking for part time PR and marketing help. Their small, classified ad was headlined, "Make an Impact!" Beren's message was meant as an answer. PR and marketing are what he does. "Though apparently," he admits, "not always spectacularly well." Instead of simply mailing them a resume, he hit on this elaborate — read, dumbass — plan to demonstrate his attention-grabbing skills. Which he absolutely did. At the end, wisely — he thought — he sent two words rather than having a day when the message wended at "YOU" and was likely to be badly misconstrued. Of course, BEREN WOOD WILL BLOW YOU AWAY, was clear enough to nearly get him shot.

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