Q: I don't like competing with others; I like doing my best, taking credit for my single-handed accomplishments and giving credit to others when they do better than I do. But living this way has now left me behind.

Two co-workers and I previously held the same position. We reported to a middle manager, who had previously held our same position but was promoted. I still liked her very much after she was promoted. She was a good supervisor — fair, reasonable, nice and competent — without a single flaw as far as I could see. For reasons unbeknown to us, she suddenly left the company. Later I found out why.

When the promotion became available, I was more experienced than my co-workers. But because I was not aggressive about pursuing the position, someone else got it. I felt that my boss should have recommended me for the promotion. Granted, I liked the co-worker who got it, but our other co-worker was upset. She started putting on a facade to get on the new supervisor's good side. I didn't realize that she was plotting against the new supervisor — and aligning herself with me as her supporter.

She began pointing out our supervisor's flaws to others and finally convinced management to promote her over our just-promoted supervisor. I feel like a real loser now because they are both making more than me even though I am more qualified than both of them combined. Now I'm the chump who supports others while failing to advocate for myself to move up to the next level. Everyone considers me an easy-going, nice guy, and I now see how that image has held me back. What do I do to change that?

A: Working on your values system and word associations will help you overcome that nice-guy syndrome. It sounds like you recognize that you are responsible for not getting promoted, but you are wrongly attributing it to your being nice. Don't associate being kind and understanding with being reserved and passive. Those two groups are very different character traits.

Self-promotion can be obnoxious when a person boasts repeatedly about all he or she has done. That being said, if you don't express interest in advancing your career you will continue to be left behind.

You chose not to compete for the supervisor's position when it became available. You said you are confident in your ability, but somewhere in your development you started believing that competing with others makes you a bad person.

Some people are more likable than others, but you need to ask yourself what your goals are. If you want to be considered the nicest guy at work, one who supports everyone else's goals while suppressing his own, then you have achieved your goal. If you want to move up, stop making others' goals a priority over your own. When your two co-workers told you they wanted the supervising position, you could have chimed in saying you too were going to apply for it. It sounds like you deserved it.

Competition is healthy as long as your self-promotion is just that — reminding the boss of your accomplishments and commitment to the company. It shouldn't include negative talk about others, even if the things you say are true. Co-workers notice who's working and who isn't. They notice who disappears periodically throughout the day and who makes constant mistakes. Announcing others' errors and bad behavior will turn you into the kind of employee no one likes or trusts. Leave that up to the boss to notice. Speaking positively about wanting more responsibility lays the groundwork for your boss to consider you when another opportunity arises.

Email your questions to workplace expert Lindsey Novak at LindseyNovak@yahoo.com, and follow her on Twitter @TheLindseyNovak and Facebook at Lindsey.Novak.12. To find out more about Lindsey Novak, visit the Creators Syndicate Website at www.creators.com.

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